i woke up late so i had to rush bigtime. today is a wednesday and lilac is not supposed to be out on the streets but because i'm going to school and i have security issues when commuting to and from UP, i brought her along. once out on the highway, a resounding expletive came out of my mouth when i saw how jammed the road was. panic settled in quickly since i was driving a "marked" car and time was slowly escaping us. as i maneuvered my way out of the endless line of cars, i realized that today is ash wednesday and that people were out and about very early to fulfill their/our religious obligation, hence a mental note to hear mass after school was made.
since i was constantly peeking over the dashboard clock to check time, i noticed that lil was low on gas. again, another booming expletive was thrown in the wind because the driving window for "coded" cars was slowly closing in on us. and so i made a mad dash to the nearest gas station.
upon touchdown on the station, my mouth went berserk again upon seeing the new, higher amount of gasoline plastered on the marquee. to make matters worse, after handing over my card to pay for my bill, the gas boy promptly returned to where i was parked at to politely return my plastic money, saying that it could not process the transaction and if there are other cards that i could charge the bill against. mitch must have felt that i was close to blowing off my top so she gallantly produced her visa to foot the amount. so off we drove. we got to trinoma with literally seconds to spare. thank goodness!
fast forward to 3pm. i really, really hate this part of my day today. and since i feel so tired of reliving this sad, sad tale, i will let a screenshot of my facebook page do the talking.
i got to school at around 5:20pm. i just had to try and see if i can weasel myself inside the seminar room but because i was waaaaay late, plus the fact that the area was so small, plus the fact that the faculty were clustered near the door and that i had to pass by them before i could take a seat, embarrassment got the better of me that i decided to wait for them to be done with it at the lobby. after a respectable time of waiting have passed, and the realization that i feel very embarrassed to be found there waiting like a lost kitty, i stood up and decided to just hear mass instead. and so i hauled my fat ass to trinoma to catch the 6pm mass.
the celebration has already started when i got there but i am ever so thankful to the heavens above that i got there just in time to hear the priest's homily. every word hit home that i was close to tears afterwards. it was all about stillness and silence and how people nowadays seem to run away from those moments of solitude. it was a sharing of what lent is supposed to be about, a period of introspection and communion. lent is a period that is supposed to be celebrated and not to be mourned at, that by fasting, we get to feast; it is a tale of resurrection, as much as death; that prayer, fasting and alms-giving are actions not to constrain and diminish the self but tools to become better versions of ourselves, of further linking ourselves with the holy community. i was flabbergasted! it felt like the-big-man-up-there was speaking to me, gently reminding me to cast my worries aside and embrace his never ending grace for in Him i will find what i am looking for. i feel so blessed! i wanted to cry because of happiness but i had to use all of my will not to let a tear fall because i don't want to make a scene. but really, i was overjoyed. the priest also shared about 3 lines of this lenten advice delivered by arthur lichtenberg long ago, about the fasting-feasting duality that i liked so much that i just had to look it up. and now i am sharing the whole passage so that others may also experience the enlightenment that i did after hearing/ reading them:
Fast and feast
Arthur Lichtenberg, when presiding bishop of the Episcopal Church, quoted this Lenten advice:
1. Fast from criticism, and feast on praise.
2. Fast from self-pity, and feast on joy.
3. Fast from ill-temper, and feast on peace.
4. Fast from resentment, and feast on contentment.
5. Fast from jealousy, and feast on love.
6. Fast from pride, and feast on humility.
7. Fast from selfishness, and feast on service.
8. Fast from fear, and feast on faith.
after everything that happened, i am glad i spent a moment with Him. see ging, solitude is not so bad. in absence, there is presence and in darkness there is light.
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