lately, i'm thinking that maybe i'm way to comfortable with being single. not that that is a bad thing, it's just that i'm a bit used to hanging out by my lonesome - twenty-six years into the world with not even one person to call a significant other could do that. i am afraid that if someone comes along, i'll end up hating his guts for throwing my otherwise humdrum existence off-balance.
given that the average life expectancy of filipino women is about 75 years, i must say that a good 35% of my life has been dedicated to cultivating a deep relationship with me, myself and i. in context, that number is pretty much a solid one considering that it is during those inclusive years that patterns are established, behaviors are developed, convictions are settled into. pretty much everything's all worked out for me to live out and make a habit of. over and over, i make my way into the hazy maze of life with just my shadow to keep me company. having been used to operating alone most of the time, i feel that it would find it very difficult to make concessions in a lot of aspects of my life. i love being free. i love owning my time. i love that i don't have too ask permission from someone else to do something.
but i also think that i maybe i just think too much. i think too much that i end up scaring myself, saying and worrying about things that should not have been raised as a point of contention in the first place.the defensive streak is just too much for an otherwise non-issue item off my bored head.
this too much thinking and worrying has got to stop. right now. time for a new outlook to take on.
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